My mistress

I have a confession; I have a mistress.  I confess this to you though, not to my wife.  You see, my wife already knows about my mistress.  I’m now compelled to reveal her to you as well.

My Mistress, the Antep

My Mistress, the Antep

Her name is the Antep Pistachio.  We first met when I was about 11 years old.  I was at a friend’s house and we were playing outside.  His mother came out with a bowl of red unshelled nuts I had never seen before.  After eating 3 or 4 of these tasty jewels I knew I was smitten.  I was not altogether keen on my red stained fingers though.

Later I made a marvelous discovery- these nuts weren’t red at all!  When I saw her with her natural brown shell I became even more infatuated.  I entered my rebellious teen years and took to sneaking off to the mall for an occasional rendezvous.  I would catch a ride to the mall, hit the comic book shop and then stop at the Gimbles department store nut counter to purchase as many natural pistachios as I could afford (in the 70s my exotic lady did not hang around in supermarkets).  On the bench we would sit, my mistress and I, enjoying each other’s company over the latest Batman issue.  She always wore a dark purple dress that I could never get enough of.

The Purple Dress she wore

The Purple Dress she wore

The year’s tumbled over one another and we eventually lost touch.  The standard grocery stores began stocking pistachio nuts regularly and I was thrilled, but it was never quite the same for me.  Then I discovered some shocking news.  The nuts at the grocery stores were just big blondes from California!  No soul, no intrigue, just a pale flavor and color, vaguely reminiscent of a childhood memory.  I made do, but I never forgot my true love…

Now I live in a marvelous era of technology.  I spent some time tracking down my mistress and learning some very interesting things about her.  When we first met she came from Iran, but my country grew to dislike her country so they never let her travel here again.  She does also reside in Turkey though, and she certainly has kept herself up.  I can now see her anytime I like (as long as my budget allows for her travel expenses).  In fact, my very good Floridian friend Cathy always makes sure that we have a reunion fling at Christmastime. Thank you Cathy!!

nuts dot com

nuts dot com

I know she has other lovers and I don’t care.  I know that in the end we are destined to be together… forever.  ~TH~

[Gaziantep produced 60,000 MT of pistachios in 2007. Turkey is third in pistachio production in the world, after Iran and USA. The town lends its name to the Turkish word for pistachio, Antep fıstığı, meaning “Antep nut”.]


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