What mom taught me in the kitchen

Mom was a math teacher and a damn good one.  She worked hard at her job and at keeping the household running, so please don’t take what I’m about to tell you as criticism.  This is simply an observation based on years of experience in the outside world, it’s not an attack on my mother’s cooking.  It just might seem like an attack on my mother’s cooking.

When you’re a kid you don’t have the luxury of relying on world experience because well, you have none.  For the first 6 years of your life you’re meal options are from one menu; mom’s.  Then it’s off to school where you might get to experience new culinary masterpieces in… the cafeteria.  Nope, there was no Food Network in the 70’s, so we were destined to eat some fairly ‘not-so-good’ food.

My father used to say, If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all (great advice that explains why Grandad hardly ever spoke a word).  So in the spirit of positive spin I give you: What Mom Taught Me In The Kitchen-

Perfect!

Perfect!

RICE: Boil the crap out of it, then add copious amounts of butter, salt and black pepper.  Serve on the side in a glop.

TOAST: Turn the toaster setting to high.  When smoke begins billowing, pop it up.  If it’s black, it’s done.  If it’s beautifully golden brown it’s just “warm bread”; do it again.

GREEN BEANS: Open the can.  Drop the beans into a pan.  Add water and set on high heat.  Boil until all of the color is in the water and out of the beans.  Discard the water and serve.

ROAST BEEF: Turn oven on high.  Place roast in the oven.  Cook until hard and brownish-gray.  Serve.

SALMON:  Open the can.  Smash contents into a patty and fry in butter.  Serve.

Now that I’m an adult I fear the world has corrupted my childhood teachings.  Here then are my shameful confessions.  I like my rice fluffy and my toast light. I like my beans fresh (steamed please), my roast medium-rare and my salmon to look (and taste) like a fish.

I always wondered why mom seemed a little disappointed in me; sorry mom.  ~TH~

Do you have any culinary masterpiece recipes to share from your childhood?  Let me know, thanks!

(photo from Photobucket)

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4 thoughts on “What mom taught me in the kitchen

  1. You are me – and I’m a teacher too. I married a Renaissance Man — no, not Leonardo – my man is a fantastic cook. I too prefer my rice fluffy, my toast just toasted, and my beans fresh from the garden. I bake my salmon at 250 degrees to preserve its nutrition AND taste. WE, you and I, Tom, are a new breed of foodies!

    • Yes, cans and boxes from the childhood pantry. Laurie and Owen still eat Spaghetti-o’s, I just can’t do it anymore (except on an open fire when camping). Thanks for reading! ~TH~

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